When You’ve Been Betrayed: Finding Jesus After Infidelity
Few wounds cut deeper than the pain of betrayal.
When the covenant trust of marriage is shattered by infidelity, it can feel like your whole world implodes. Confusion, anger, grief, shame, and despair often swirl together in a storm too big to name. It can feel like you’re dying on the inside.
As I’ve shared before, my story is layered. I know the pain of infidelity from both sides—first as the one who betrayed, and later as one who was betrayed. My past sin took place before I came to faith, during my first marriage, when I committed adultery and left my wife and children in the wake of my selfishness. It grieves me deeply, and I carry regret for the destruction I caused. I speak as someone who has known the delusion, the justification, and the cruelty of such sin. If you are on that path—turn back. If you’ve already crossed the line—repent. There is forgiveness, but the road to restoration is long and hard. Your only hope—our only hope—is Jesus.
I also know the agony of betrayal. It’s disorienting and crushing—like the ground has vanished beneath your feet. One day you’re planning the future, the next you can’t get through breakfast. That was my experience. The ache, the anxiety, the confusion—it was all-consuming. I remember being told it would pass, but I couldn’t see how. What changed everything was Jesus. In my grief, He met me. He rescued me—from my sin, from my false identity, from the lies I had believed about myself and others. He brought real relief, but He didn’t erase the pain, not right away—He entered it. And He promised to walk with me through it, all the way to something whole, rooted in Him.
If you’re reading this and your heart has been broken by a spouse’s unfaithfulness, please know this first:
God sees you. He grieves with you. He is near to you. And He does not blame you for what someone else has done.
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
—Psalm 34:18
This is a sacred kind of suffering. It is not your fault. And it is not too much for Jesus.
Jesus Knows Betrayal—And He Stays Faithful
One of the most tender truths of the gospel is this: Jesus understands betrayal.
He was betrayed by Judas—one of His closest friends. Abandoned by all His disciples. Denied by Peter. Yet He remained faithful, even unto death.
Jesus doesn’t just understand betrayal—He’s lived it. Betrayed by a close friend, denied by one of His own, and abandoned in His hour of greatest need, Jesus knows the sting of unfaithfulness intimately. And yet, He remains the perfect Bridegroom. Unlike any human spouse, He never breaks His covenant. Though betrothed to a sinful and often unfaithful bride—the Church—He stays faithful. He pursues, He forgives, He sanctifies.
“Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her… so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.”
—Ephesians 5:25–27
Even when we fail, He is faithful still. Jesus doesn’t turn away from the broken—He binds Himself to us in unshakable love.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses… Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
—Hebrews 4:15–16
Jesus doesn’t minimize your pain or rush you through it.
He invites you to bring your full sorrow to Him, again and again. He knows what it is to be betrayed, and He promises that your pain matters to Him.
The nature of betrayal is that you’ll long for relief—desperately. If you’ve chosen to forgive your spouse and stay in the marriage, you may try to find that relief in many ways: checking phones, asking the same questions over and over, replaying events to regain a sense of control. Those reactions are understandable. And if your spouse is truly repentant, they should be willing to meet you there with patience and humility.
But here’s a hard truth: people make very poor saviors. Even if your spouse is genuinely repentant—and I pray they are—your heart may still want them to rescue you from the very pain they caused. It’s a natural desire, even logical. But it won’t work. The pain you carry reaches places no human can touch.
Only Jesus, the perfect and compassionate Savior, can enter that deep place of sorrow and bring true healing.
“He restores my soul.” —Psalm 23:3
Jesus doesn’t just offer relief—He offers redemption.
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
—Psalm 56:8
God is Your Refuge in the Aftermath
When the betrayal of a spouse comes to light, you may feel spiritually disoriented. Everything you thought was secure is suddenly in question. But God’s love for you is not in question.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…”
—Psalm 46:1–2a
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
—Psalm 147:3
So what does it look like to bring your pain to Jesus? It might mean setting aside a few minutes each day to sit with Him in silence, even if all you can do is weep. It might mean journaling your questions, your anger, your confusion—without editing yourself. It might mean opening the Psalms and simply reading until you find a verse that matches the cry of your heart. It might mean letting a trusted friend or counselor pray when you can’t. Bringing your pain to Jesus isn’t about getting it “right.” It’s about being real in His presence.
He doesn’t expect you to be okay. He invites you to hide in Him. To cry. To rage. To ask hard questions. And to let His Word begin to gently comfort your soul.
You Are Not Alone
Many betrayed spouses describe feeling isolated and unsure of what to do next. And while some have experienced deep hurt or confusion in the way their situation was handled, many churches do this well—offering care, counsel, and community with truth and compassion. We want to encourage you: if you’re part of a church that is walking with you through this pain, lean into that support.
But if you find yourself isolated—either by an unrepentant spouse or by a culture of silence—please know that it’s okay to seek help outside those immediate circles. Sometimes an outside biblical counselor can come alongside both you and your church to help navigate the complexity of betrayal.
Good biblical counseling doesn’t replace the church—it partners with it. Whether your church is already involved or needs guidance on how to care well, reaching out for counseling support can strengthen the healing journey with biblical truth and gentle care.
At the Biblical Living Center, we walk with women and men who are facing this very reality. We use Brad Hambrick’s excellent resources,
📘 True Betrayal and 📘 False Love,
to help individuals and couples navigate the painful path of betrayal and healing. These books offer biblical wisdom, trauma awareness, and compassionate guidance for both the betrayed and the betrayer.
We want you to know that you don’t have to figure this out alone. There is godly help. There is hope.
What About Reconciliation?
Marriage is a sacred covenant, and God delights in it. From the beginning, He designed it not just as a contract, but as a living picture of His love—a one-flesh union marked by faithfulness, sacrifice, and joy. Scripture speaks of marriage with reverence and celebration: “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and wives to honor and support their husbands in the Lord (Ephesians 5:22–33). Though human marriages are imperfect, they are meant to reflect something eternal: Christ’s unwavering love for His bride. When a marriage is marked by repentance, forgiveness, and restoration, it puts the gospel on display in powerful ways.
Because marriage is so sacred and precious to God, anything that threatens that covenant—especially infidelity—deeply grieves His heart. Adultery is not just a betrayal of a spouse, but a tearing of something holy that God Himself joined together. It brings pain, confusion, and broken trust into what was meant to be a safe and faithful bond. Scripture is clear that unfaithfulness is not part of God’s desire for any couple: “You cover the Lord’s altar with tears… because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless” (Malachi 2:13–14). God is not indifferent to your suffering. He hates betrayal, not just because it breaks His law—but because it breaks people. His heart is always for restoration, healing, and truth.
Many betrayed spouses, even in the midst of devastating pain, desire to honor the Lord with their response. That desire is beautiful—and costly. Choosing to walk in faith, integrity, and forgiveness while carrying the wounds of infidelity requires more strength than anyone has on their own. It is an immense suffering—often invisible to others and difficult to put into words. Every breath, every decision, every moment of staying present in the aftermath of betrayal demands a complete and daily dependency on the Lord. And He is not absent in that journey. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Your pain is not wasted, and your faith is not unseen. The Lord is upholding you, even when you feel like you can barely stand.
At times, despite a genuine desire to honor God, some betrayed spouses may find they are unable to move forward within the marriage. The trauma of repeated or unrepentant infidelity can become an unbearable burden. Scripture acknowledges the severity of this kind of betrayal and makes provision for divorce in such cases: “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). This isn’t God giving up or offering a reluctant escape clause—it’s God, in His mercy, recognizing the limits of our humanity in the face of great suffering. He is not cruel. He is not saying, “Fine, you’re weak, so I’ll make an exception.” Instead, He is the same God revealed in Exodus 34:6–7—“a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.” In allowing divorce, God is not abandoning His ideal—He is caring for His children. His provision reflects not disappointment, but deep compassion for the betrayed, offering a path of peace when reconciliation is no longer possible. Even if your spouse is repentant, you are still permitted to leave. Your suffering is not invalid because they’ve changed. God sees your heart, your history, your pain. He doesn’t command you to return—He invites you to seek Him for wisdom, peace, and clarity. And He’ll walk with you either way.
Just remember, separation may be necessary when there is ongoing harm or chaos. Paul affirms that:
“If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
—1 Corinthians 7:15
Please notice: this is not about being unforgiving. Forgiveness is commanded (Colossians 3:13), but reconciliation is not always possible—especially when the betraying spouse is unrepentant or continues in sin.
That said, if your spouse is genuinely repentant—demonstrating sorrow, confession, accountability, and a willingness to do the deep work of restoration—Scripture encourages reconciliation where it is safe and possible, and when guided by wise, biblical counsel.
“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
—2 Corinthians 5:18
Reconciliation is not immediate. It must be slow, honest, and spirit-led. And it should never be attempted without the support of qualified biblical counselors and church leadership walking closely with you and your spouse.
Jesus Will Carry You Through
You may not know what to do today. That’s okay.
You may be grieving, angry, numb, afraid. That’s okay too.
Jesus is not in a hurry to get you to the finish line.
He walks with you step by step. His love for you is not contingent on your next decision—divorce, separation, or reconciliation. His love is constant.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
—Matthew 11:28
Take Jesus at his word. His words are true and have power for your life. Go to Him.
Rest. You are not crazy. You are not forgotten. You are not beyond hope.
Jesus sees you. He grieves with you. He heals you.
And no matter how the story ends, your worth does not come from your spouse’s choices, but from Christ’s cross and resurrection. He is your faithful Bridegroom, and He will never betray you.
A Gentle Invitation
If you’re walking through the aftermath of infidelity and would like to talk to someone who understands both the pain and the promises of God, please reach out to our team at the Biblical Living Center. We offer compassionate biblical counseling for individuals and couples. Whether you are wrestling with forgiveness, setting boundaries, rebuilding trust, or letting go—we are here to walk with you.
You are not alone. There is hope.
Jesus is faithful.