Grieving Well: Learning from Aaron, Job and Christ
When I was sixteen, my grandmother passed away. We lived in the same apartment building, so we were very close—always visiting, playing cards, watching hockey, and just enjoying time together. Her health had been declining, but she was still living independently. Then one day, my sister found her lying beside her bed. “Grandma isn’t moving,” she said. I rushed upstairs, and sure enough, she had died.
It may seem strange that I don’t recall what my mom was doing in that moment, but honestly, I can’t remember. What I do remember is kicking into high gear—feeling responsible for my sister and my mom, telling myself over and over, I’ve got to take care of everything. Looking back, I realize I didn’t really take care of everything, but my mind needed something to do, some way to cope. Busyness became my shield against the weight of grief.
A few months later, though, grief found me. I had the most vivid dream of my grandmother—we were talking, and she felt so real, as if she had never left. It was like my heart finally unlocked the memories I had pushed aside. When I woke up, I cried—really cried—for the first time since she passed. I realized just how much I loved and missed her, and how deeply the loss had cut me.
Grief touches every life. Some of us express it with tears and words, others through busyness, silence and withdrawal. In seasons of loss, it’s common to wonder: Am I grieving the “right” way? Does my response honor the Lord?
Scripture gives us a beautiful, nuanced picture of grief. Two men—Aaron the high priest and Job the sufferer—show us very different ways to respond to devastating loss. Both responses were faithful. Together, they form a spectrum that gives believers permission to grieve as led by the Lord.
Aaron: The Silence of Reverent Submission
When Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu died under God’s judgment for offering unauthorized fire, Moses reminded Aaron of God’s holiness: “Among those who are near me I will be sanctified, and before all the people I will be glorified” (Leviticus 10:3).
Aaron’s response? “And Aaron held his peace.”
No outburst. No recorded words. Just silence. His stillness was not apathy—it was submission. He acknowledged God’s holiness by refusing to protest or defend. In Aaron’s silence, we see that grief can sometimes take the form of wordless surrender before the Lord.
Job: The Cry of Worshipful Lament
By contrast, Job’s grief was anything but silent. When he lost his children, possessions, and health, he tore his robe, shaved his head, fell to the ground, and worshiped. He declared:
“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).
Job’s grief was raw, visible, and vocal. Yet it, too, honored God. He did not curse or blame; he worshiped through tears. His lament acknowledged God’s sovereignty while expressing the deep pain of his loss.
A Spectrum of Biblical Grief
Aaron and Job sit at opposite ends of a spectrum. One grieves in silence, the other with words. One through stillness, the other through lament. Both honored the Lord because their grief was rooted in submission to God’s character.
This teaches us something vital: there is not just one right way to grieve. Some will grieve quietly, others vocally. Some with many tears, others with few. The key is not the form of grief but the heart posture—whether our grief moves us toward God in trust, rather than away from Him in bitterness.
Permission to Grieve as Led by the Lord
In biblical counseling, we often meet people who haven’t taken the time to truly grieve. Loss and sorrow have been pushed aside in order to “be strong” or to simply keep moving forward. But when grief is ignored, it rarely disappears—it has a way of forcing itself upon us later, often at the most unexpected and inconvenient times. This is why we intentionally invite people into the process of grieving, helping them face their sorrow before the Lord with honesty and hope. Others do engage with grief, but then wonder, “Am I doing this wrong?” The examples of Aaron and Job give a gracious answer: no. Their very different responses remind us that God gives His children freedom to grieve as He leads—whether through silence, lament, or somewhere in between.
If grief drives you to silence before the Lord, let that silence honor His holiness.
If grief drives you to cry out and lament, let those words be acts of worship.
If grief leaves you somewhere in between, trust that God meets you there too.
Christ: Our Companion in Grief
Ultimately, both Aaron and Job point us to Jesus—the Man of Sorrows who wept at Lazarus’s tomb and bore the full weight of grief at the cross. Because Christ grieved perfectly and now reigns victoriously, He invites us to bring our sorrows honestly before Him.
Your grief—whether silent or spoken—is not wasted. In His hands, even tears and silence can become worship.
Final Encouragement
Grieving well biblically doesn’t mean holding back tears or forcing words of praise. It means entrusting your loss to the holy, sovereign God who gave His Son for you. Whether your grief is quiet like Aaron’s or loud like Job’s, let it be shaped by faith in the Lord who promises: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).